One of my Roman Catholic readers sent in this humorous proposal for sending liturgical referees at random to visit parishes to make sure they are conducting the Mass properly. You might enjoy the thought of a Lutheran version of a "ref" visiting parishes at random. Here is a guide to the liturgical referee’s signals. The idea is that he stands quietly to the side and only throws a flag when appropriate.
Example Liturgical Signals
|No Crucifix in sanctuary.|
|Liturgical dance detected.|
|Member of laity giving homily – to be evicted from lectern.|
or no consecration. Occurs when illicit matter is used, wrong formula
used, only one of the two elements of bread or wine is not properly
consecrated, or no validly ordained male priest/bishop is not present.
In case where only one element is consecrated a replay is called for.
|Illegal use of hands. Normally called when the celebrant has left the sanctuary to shake everybody’s hands.|
or just downright heretical theology used in homily. When detected the
Liturgical Ref pulls on his lips in a downward direction.
"What the heck am my hearing" signal is one of the most common signals
and indicates syrupy banal liturgical music or the inappropriate use of
secular music such as show tunes and popular music (especially from the
the prescribed text of the Order of Mass. This is another common
liturgical penalty despite the fact that no other person, even if he be
a priest, may add, remove, or change anything in the liturgy on his own
authority. (Constitution on the Sacred Liturgy)
Posture. Usually called when you are being asked to stand instead of
kneel or any other poster adaptation not specified by the GIRM or set
by your bishop’s conference or licitly specified by your local ordinary.
purification of sacred vessels. This is called when the purification of
the sacred vessels is done by an Extraordinary Minister of Holy
Communion despite the fact the the Pope revoked the indult in the U.S.
for this permission.
Participation. Called when too many people are in the sanctuary. For
example occurs when EMHC arrive before the fraction rite or when some
members of the congregation are invited into the sanctuary to pray with
the priest during the consecration.
Like Conduct. Can be called when elements of other religions contrary
to Christianity are introduced such as new age beliefs. Un-Christian
Like Conduct is also often called in the parking lot after Mass.
|Illegal Pass. The celebrant is simply not allowed to make a pass at anybody.|
Infraction. Normally occurs when the celebrant wears his stole on top
of the chasuble. Another penalty can be added if the celebrant does
this and the stole is also horrendously ugly or has an seventies themes.
Receiver of Holy Communion. Those who are excommunicated or interdicted
after the imposition or declaration of the penalty and others who
obstinately persist in manifest grave sin are not to be admitted to
|Clowns in the sanctuary – run for your life.|
use of inclusive language. Penalty is thrown when grammatical
awkwardness is detected in avoiding male pronouns and every other
sentence begins brothers and sisters.