Liturgical Referee
September 4th, 2007
One of my Roman Catholic readers sent in this humorous proposal for sending liturgical referees at random to visit parishes to make sure they are conducting the Mass properly. You might enjoy the thought of a Lutheran version of a "ref" visiting parishes at random. Here is a guide to the liturgical referee’s signals. The idea is that he stands quietly to the side and only throws a flag when appropriate.
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Example Liturgical Signals
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No Crucifix in sanctuary. |
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Liturgical dance detected. |
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Member of laity giving homily – to be evicted from lectern. |
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Incomplete or no consecration. Occurs when illicit matter is used, wrong formula used, only one of the two elements of bread or wine is not properly consecrated, or no validly ordained male priest/bishop is not present. In case where only one element is consecrated a replay is called for. |
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Illegal use of hands. Normally called when the celebrant has left the sanctuary to shake everybody’s hands. |
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Questionable or just downright heretical theology used in homily. When detected the Liturgical Ref pulls on his lips in a downward direction. |
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The "What the heck am my hearing" signal is one of the most common signals and indicates syrupy banal liturgical music or the inappropriate use of secular music such as show tunes and popular music (especially from the seventies). |
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Disregarding the prescribed text of the Order of Mass. This is another common liturgical penalty despite the fact that no other person, even if he be a priest, may add, remove, or change anything in the liturgy on his own authority. (Constitution on the Sacred Liturgy) |
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Illicit Posture. Usually called when you are being asked to stand instead of kneel or any other poster adaptation not specified by the GIRM or set by your bishop’s conference or licitly specified by your local ordinary. |
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Illicit purification of sacred vessels. This is called when the purification of the sacred vessels is done by an Extraordinary Minister of Holy Communion despite the fact the the Pope revoked the indult in the U.S. for this permission. |
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Illicit Participation. Called when too many people are in the sanctuary. For example occurs when EMHC arrive before the fraction rite or when some members of the congregation are invited into the sanctuary to pray with the priest during the consecration. |
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Un-Christian Like Conduct. Can be called when elements of other religions contrary to Christianity are introduced such as new age beliefs. Un-Christian Like Conduct is also often called in the parking lot after Mass. |
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Illegal Pass. The celebrant is simply not allowed to make a pass at anybody. |
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Stole Infraction. Normally occurs when the celebrant wears his stole on top of the chasuble. Another penalty can be added if the celebrant does this and the stole is also horrendously ugly or has an seventies themes. |
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Illegal Receiver of Holy Communion. Those who are excommunicated or interdicted after the imposition or declaration of the penalty and others who obstinately persist in manifest grave sin are not to be admitted to Holy Communion. |
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Clowns in the sanctuary – run for your life. |
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Excessive use of inclusive language. Penalty is thrown when grammatical awkwardness is detected in avoiding male pronouns and every other sentence begins brothers and sisters. |
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Categories: Liturgy and Worship Trends
It’s cute. Unfortunately the only penalty you could enforce is ejection.
Fines and beatings are also possible.
I’d want slow motion, high def, video replay options. You can’t trust those synodical refs for anything.
We have these refs already. They are called LCMS visitors. I’m still waiting on CTCR to send my hat, shirt, and yellow flag. Whistles aren’t allowed (too contemporary), so I snagged the tiniest hand bell our church had to take with me on road trips to other churches in the synod.
If I remember my course material properly, there are also rules covering:
Clipping. This is called when it is obvious that an abbreviated sermon and/or liturgy is implemented “on the fly” whenever it looks like the service might run a few minutes long if something is not cut.
False Start. This is called when the Divine Service begins with a non-liturgical greeting such as howdy, hello, mornin’ (or any other informal salutation along these lines.)
Roughing the Passer. This is called when any member of the church fails to follow the concept behind the Passing of the Peace. Penalties can be called on account of poor attitude or laziness. Such infractions of this rule include sour greetings, limp hand-shakes, half-hearted smiles, snubbing specific individuals, or trying to get by with obligitory waves at the same two people every week so that the offender does not have to actually walk around.
Pass Interference. This is called when someone abuses the opportunity to Pass the Peace so that they can use that time to discuss where everyone is going to go eat after service lets out.
Here’s another one that could be added.
Referee has hand upraised and slightly tucked in toward body, the shoulders are moved up and down in a shrugging motion. This foul is called “Uncertainty.” It is called on the pastor whenever the word “may” is added to a liturgical pronouncement whereby God’s blessings, peace, etc… are to be given, the blessings that would be given if the text were followed are now called into question by the addition of the word ‘may’ at the beginning of the pronouncement. e.g. “May” the peace of… “May” the Lord bless you…
I would impose ‘Delay of Game’ penalties on all who travel from the confines of their own pews to pass the peace.
A kiss for one’s immediate neighbor (doesn’t include one’s spouse or children, or regular pew-sitting buddy) suffices.
Going up and down aisles to reach every row of people, if not every person, seems beyond the demands of real peace-passing.
I would also impose a penalty for use of national/state/Christian flags in the sanctuary, with very few exceptions (day of thanksgiving/9-11 remembrance/etc). Perhaps it might be called “Unnecessary Patriotism”?