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The More the Merrier? The Next Big Sexual Relationship Trend

August 11th, 2009 Leave a comment Go to comments
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ks125877No marriage. Homosexual marriage. What’s next? Multiple coupling: polyamory. It’s coming and we need to be aware of it. Do note all the latest buzz words and redefinition of terms. Dr. Al Mohler speaks to this issue:

Once a sexual revolution is set loose, it inevitably runs its course through the culture.  While the current flashpoints of cultural conflict are focused on same-sex marriage and gender issues, others are biding their time.  As Newsweek magazine makes clear, some new flashpoints are getting restless.

Polyamory, reports Newsweek, is having a “coming-out-party.”  Polyamory is the current “term of art” applied to “families” or “clusters” comprised of multiple sexual partners. As Newsweek explains, this is not exactly polygamy, because marriage is not the issue. Advocates of polyamory argue that their lifestyle is not “open marriage.” Indeed, they define their movement in terms of the moral principle of “ethical nonmonogamy,” defined as “engaging in loving, intimate relationships with more than one person — based upon the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.”

Legal theorists and opponents of same-sex marriage routinely (and rightly) make the argument that the legalization of homosexual marriage will, inevitably, lead to the legalization of polygamy. Once marriage is redefined to allow for same-sex unions, any determination to maintain legal prohibitions against polygamy will be seen as merely arbitrary. At the same time, once strictures against adultery were eliminated in the culture and in the law, something essentially like polygamy was inevitable.

The article in Newsweek, written by Jessica Bennett, presents polyamory as a growing movement that now involves persons in the cultural mainstream. As the magazine reports: “Researchers are just beginning to study the phenomenon, but the few who do estimate that openly polyamorous families in the United States number more than half a million, with thriving contingents in nearly every major city.”

The movement now claims a number of recognized books, blogs, podcasts, and even an online magazine entitled “Loving More.” According to Newsweek, actress Tilda Swinton and Carla Bruni, the First Lady of France, have emerged as prominent spokespersons for nonmonogamy. As should be expected, the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction at Indiana University now features a “polyamory library.”

Jessica Bennett suggests that the contemporary polyamory movement has roots in utopian movements of the 19th century:

The notion of multiple-partner relationships is as old as the human race itself. But polyamorists trace the foundation of their movement to the utopian Oneida commune of upstate New York, founded in 1848 by Yale theologian John Humphrey Noyes. Noyes believed in a kind of communalism he hoped would fix relations between men and women; both genders had equal voice in community governance, and every man was considered to be married to every woman. But it wasn’t until the late-1960s and 1970s “free love” movement that polyamory truly came into vogue; when books like Open Marriage topped best-seller lists and groups like the North American Swingers Club began experimenting with the concept. The term “polyamory,” coined in the 1990s, popped up in both the Merriam-Webster and Oxford English dictionaries in 2006.

In one sense, the polyamorous defy easy categorization. The movement includes couples who openly and with full knowledge of each other engage in sexual relationships with others. Some are involved in group sex and others experiment with bisexuality. The Newsweek article introduces readers to a new vocabulary. The most revealing word is “polyfidelitous” –  which means that the multiple partners keep sexual activity within their own self-identified cluster.

Interestingly, Bennett observes that the movement “has a decidedly feminist bent.” If men can have multiple wives or female partners, then, the logic goes, women must have the same in order to achieve “gender equality.” Bennett quotes Allena Gabosch, director of an organization known as the “Center for Sex Positive Culture,” suggesting that polyamory sounds scary to people because “it shakes up their worldview.” But, she insists, polyamory might well be “more natural than we think.”

Perhaps the best way to understand this new movement is to understand it as a natural consequence of subverting marriage. We have largely normalized adultery, serialized marriage, separated marriage from reproduction and childbearing, and accepted divorce as a mechanism for liberation. Once this happens, boundary after boundary falls as sexual regulation virtually disappears among those defined as “consenting adults.”

The ultimate sign of our moral confusion becomes evident when virtually no one appears ready to condemn polyamory as immoral. The only arguments mustered against this new movement focus on matters of practicality. Polyamory is certainly not new, but this new movement is yet another reminder that virtually all the fences are now down when it comes to sex and sexual relationships.  What comes next?

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Categories: Culture
  1. Northeasterner
    August 11th, 2009 at 08:46 | #1

    It is always interesting to me that when the media writes an article about people advocating for the normalization of deviant behavior, they are careful to find clean-cut, normal looking, attractive, affluent people who sound great when they talk about “love.”

    The implicit message is “see, Middle America, these folks are just like you.”

    The media never shows us how narcissistic and grotesque this behavior is. For example, we seldom hear of the emotional wreckage wrought on children from the 70s “swinging” fad.

  2. August 11th, 2009 at 17:03 | #2

    And it is only a matter of time before these “polyamorous” couples decide to try to get legal recognition of their various relationships as “marriage.” The issue of legal recognition isn’t really about public benefits or the right to visit one’s significant other(s) in the hospital. All of that can be arranged without expanding out the legal definition, for example, of “marriage.” Rather, it comes with the yearning for social acceptance — “we’re just like you.”

    Once same-sex marriage is accepted in law, there isn’t really much of a legal argument against recognized other forms of human mingling as “marriage.” Of course, one the legal and moral licitness of artificial contraception was accepted by the larger culture in the 1950′s and 1960′s, the move towards all sorts of changes in the legal status of marriage — from no-fault divorce to same-sex marriage — became pretty much inevitable.

  3. Ken Howes
    August 11th, 2009 at 20:06 | #3

    The reason this is seldom addressed on a moral level in the civil debate is that morality is no longer considered to be a government concern; the various “penumbras” of the Bill of Rights supposedly preclude government from taking morality into consideration in setting policy. When discussing something like polyamory with one of the modern deists (“I’m not religious but I’m very spiritual”), an effort to discuss the moral implications of polyamory, like those of homosexuality is immediately shut off with the response,”Don’t impose your tired old puritan morality on me,” or the like. The irrelevant response that there are other things more immoral going on every day is also predictable. (

    So opponents of these things, in arguing in the public square against them, generally try to debate them on the basis of the practicalities, trying to find a common frame of reference for debate. They try to establish some basis other than morals for a cognizable government interest in the issue that permits it to ban one thing or another.

    I think that one problem is that the issue in the civil arena is wrongly framed–the question is not whether government has an interest in banning homosexual “marriage” or the libertinism of polyamory. Such things are no longer banned. That battle was fought a generation ago and the libertines won; they can pretty much do what they like. The government will not arrest an Episcopal priest for performing a “wedding” ceremony for homosexuals–the question is whether it will extend any particular recognition to it. Does the government have a cognizable interest in promoting heterosexual unions of one man and one woman? To the answer is so plainly yes that any effort to deny it is ludicrous–it has a basic interest in the propagation of the species, and in promoting the raising of a child by its father and its mother.

    But there is no reason to back away from the issue of morality. If the courts will not recognize such arguments, that does not preclude legislatures from considering them. The Constitution requires that the states provide a republican form of government–the oligarchy of court-dictated legislation is itself unconstitutional. State courts have ordered legislatures to pass laws providing for homosexual marriage. What is lacking is a fighting spirit on the part of those legislatures–largely because the courts are really doing them a favor, taking them off the hook for what would be an enormously unpopular action among the people, but which is openly demanded by the elites in one party and which has more support in the other party’s elite than is generally supposed.

  4. helen jensen
    August 14th, 2009 at 12:08 | #4

    “It’s a wise child who knows his own father.”

    With these “groupings” it will be, indeed!
    Young people will have to keep their DNA profiles with their driver’s license to be sure they are not sleeping with their siblings. (Or won’t that matter, either?)

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