1. The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island but it turned out
to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it
was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum
Blownapart

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking
into it.

10.Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11.Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12.Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to
the other: ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’

13.I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14.A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’

15.The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small
medium at large.

16.The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a
seasoned veteran.

17.A backward poet writes inverse.

18.In a democracy, it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism, it’s your
count that votes.

19.When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20.If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you’d be in Seine.

21.A vulture boards an airplane carrying two dead raccoons. The
stewardess looks at him and says, ‘I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion
allowed per passenger.’

22.Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and
says ‘Dam!’

23.Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly so they lit a fire in the
craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your
kayak and heat it too.

24.Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, ‘I’ve lost my electron.’ The
other says ‘Are you sure?’ The first replies, ‘Yes, I’m positive.’

25.Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
canal? His goal: transcend dental medication

The secret to a good marriage is cooperation. Here I am helping Lynn shovel snow.

And people say there is nothing good on the Webbernet.

Thanks to MCH for finding this.

Younger fathers are raising children who have no first-hand experience with Star Wars as men of my generation, and our children, did. Here is a helpful video for guiding you through the important “talk” about Star Wars. [NOTE: This is humor!].

You either will think this is really, really funny…or you won’t understand this at all and think I’m really, really weird. Perhaps a combination of both.

I report, you decide which captures the spirit of “Go Tell It On the Mountain” best.

No, I’m not making this up…

Irish Nativity with One of Wise Men Presenting Guiness

For more examples…..go here.

You would thinking playing such a vital role in saving a galaxy would result in a career better than this…

My friend Todd Wilken, who is a cat person, shared this video. I have a cat. She is a nice cat. She would not let me do any of this.